A long time ago, there was a boy who fell in love with a girl for the first time.
He first met this girl during a school orientation, when everyone was seated and getting ready. Suddenly, this girl ran in, and he clearly remembers that moment. "Sorry I’m late!" she said. And that was when he saw her and fell in love for the first time.
She mentioned that she likes to drink watermelon juice, specifically with milk. And this boy, who was madly in love with her, bought her the drink she liked every day to take to class for her first thing in the morning. Everyone in the class knew the boy liked the girl, and it was no secret. They grew closer every day by socializing with their classmates.
And finally, they took their first photo together.
They went to their first school-night event together.
They went to their first solo movie together. They watched "Warm Bodies." a romance film that the boy never understood but went ahead to choose because he thought it was more appropriate to watch a romance film for their first movie together.
And he treasured every second with her.
One day, during a class water activity, he found out through his classmates that she had a boyfriend then, and his world came crashing down. But still, he kept it to himself. Or at least he tried. When it was time for lunch, the group went to Subway. They all sat down, leaving just the boy and his crash at the table.
"Why do you look so down?" she asked.
The boy replied, "You really want to know?"
She hesitated for a while.
"I felt upset because I found out that you have a boyfriend." "And I like you," the boy responds impulsively.
The atmosphere went still. They both did not know how to answer each other, but the day went on. Having the courage to confess his liking for her took great courage. And this courage will one day be rewarded. But for now, they went low. Or rather, he did.
A few months later, the boy found out that she broke up with her then-boyfriend and thought that it was time for him to strike. He got closer to her again and even asked her out for a second movie outing. They watched "The Croods," as he thought that a comedy cartoon movie would cheer her up after her breakup.
The movie ended with him sending her home late into the night. He requested that they take a photo together for memory's sake, and they did. After that night, the boy told his friend everything about her at a playground nearby. The boy’s friend told him to confess to her through text. The boy could not hold back his feelings any longer, and he did. only to be rejected by her. "I am not ready for another relationship," she replied. And for the second time, the boy’s world came crashing down.
Fast forward to a year later. Now that they are both final-year students, they managed to chance upon each other while mixing in their cliques, and they started talking to each other again. One day, when the boy had to go overseas for a school exchange program, she came to send him and the group off at the airport. While taking photos, the girl requested to take a photo with the boy as well, and he agreed. When they stood next to each other, little did the boy expect that she would hook his arm for the photo. The boy was shocked beyond words, but he was very happy deep down.
After the boy flew off for his trip, he kept thinking about her hooking his arm to the photo throughout the flight and kept looking at the Polaroid they took together with a smile on his face. He couldn't stop thinking about that magical moment, and one night, while the group was relaxing in the hotel room, he decided to pull out all the polaroids he'd taken, including the one with her and confidently announced. "I will shuffle these polaroids, and since I picked the one with us together, I will chase her again after going back!" And he did pick out the one with them in it.
And so he did what he said. He started to chat with her and met up with her more often in school and after school. He even started working at her restaurant when she said that she was so busy with her part-time work because her workplace is short on manpower. The boy had not worked in an F&B setting before, but he did not hesitate to apply at her workplace.
As time went by, they both got closer, both at school and at work. One day, while accompanying her to visit her sick friend, she hooked his arm again. And that was the sign for the boy to confirm his status.
"Are we boyfriend and girlfriend now since you hooked my arm for the second time?" he asked over text.
She replied, "If you think we are, then we are."
The boy was so delighted over the answer that he was over the moon, jumping around like a kid.
They walked home after work for a long time.
They missed morning classes as often as they could remember since they would always stay out late into the night as the boy could not bear to part with her.
They went to school together every day.
It was their first time holding hands.
They had their first kiss.
All was well during the first few months, and after the honeymoon period, sh*t started to go down. And, as with all good things, the bad ones came first.
They had their first fight.
They had their first argument.
They had their first disagreement.
And finally, they had their first big fight on Christmas day.
For the first time, he broke her heart.
For the first time, he saw her cry.
For the first time, he felt that he was going to lose her.
Although the couple had many fights, small and large, over the years, they believed they had resolved them. They had no idea they were simply sweeping them under the rug.
Old debts seemed to be ever-recurring. They started to realize their differences in personalities.
"Don’t you think we became couples too quickly?" "We skipped the friendship phase and jumped straight into being lovers."
And that shook the boy that night.
He didn't want to accept how quickly they fell in love.
He did not want to accept that they had unmatched personalities.
And ultimately, he did not want to accept that they were not suitable for each other.
They were at a stage where they had fights regularly over everything, and anything did not surprise them anymore. till one day during New Year’s Eve, when the girl did something that the boy was not comfortable with and told her off about it.
That was the day he upset the girl so badly that they took their first break from the relationship, the first one being a week long. Over the years, they had frequent, huge fights that ended with them taking breaks from the relationship at least once a year. to the extent that the boy’s friends were not surprised anymore. And with each break, the duration and the harshness of the girl increased to unbearable levels. It slowly ate and swallowed the boy, while he could only suffer alone while waiting for the girl to return to him. He assumed she would always return to him after the break, but little did he know that she actually left one day.
Eight years into the relationship, the two had gone through so much friction and hardship together. They went through many milestones in their lives. From graduating from polytechnic school together to surviving NS couple life The boy thought that as long as he put enough effort into the relationship, it would last forever. He had no idea that their time was coming to an end with their finals.
The last time they went out on a date
The last time they had a meal
the last time they stayed over.
The last time they had a conversation
And on that fateful day, they fought, a fight that some might belittle since it was over the text, and the boy had to make a remark, a remark he belittled and one that he will regret saying for the rest of his life.
They were on the verge of each other’s nerves over an issue with their meeting time at night. They could not get each other’s point, and the boy sent, "Eh, you got beef with me, ah?" The girl did not reply to him the entire day, even though he felt bad for saying that and wanted to have a talk with her later that night. But he did not know that there would no longer be a next time.
As the boy was heading over to meet his friends for a birthday celebration, the girl finally replied to him.
"Do you think I have beef with you?" she asked for the first time.
"No," the boy replied reluctantly, knowing that she was already upset about the remark.
"Then why did you even ask that?" she replied.
followed by a message that she sent that the boy would never forget.
"Let's break up," she sent.
The boy was stunned, and he fell at the bus stop stunt. He tried to message her in panic, seeking her forgiveness and asking for them to have a talk about it, but this time, she stood her ground. He tried to send her every message to keep her from breaking up with him, but ended with,
"Please, I beg you, just let me go."
And after that moment, the boy was blocked everywhere possible online.
He stood motionless, lost in thought, and gazed. He could not believe what had just happened to him. He texted so many of his friends and even the girl’s friend to ask what happened, and everyone’s answer confused him even more. He wanted to go and look for her so badly that he almost wanted to abandon his birthday friend to find her and talk things out immediately but ultimately chose not to. As much as he wanted to, he knew that this time he had to make the right choice to leave her alone and give her the space she needed at the moment.
The boy suffered greatly for two months following the breakup. And as time passed, some parts of the boy healed, while others remained in his heart. As the boy could never bear to let go of someone that he once loved so deeply with everything he could for the first time, let alone with such a long duration of eight years. Every day, he does not fail to think about her. Although his hopes of getting back together fade with each passing day, he, too, works on himself every day with that hope.
Looking back on how far the boy had come while I was typing out this story, I would like to say I am proud of that boy. So proud of that "me" who has given his all for the past eight years without expecting anything in return except for her to stay.
After the breakup, it made me realize a lot, both the good and the bad. I reflected on the bad I had done and hope to do better. But there will no longer be a chance for you to witness the change that I had made.
I also recently went past the places that we visited together, the path we walked many times, and the places we used to eat together, some of which no longer exist anymore. I also listened to the songs that we listened to together. But all that is now part of our memories that I will forever hold and treasure.
My first love might have ended, even though I wished so dearly that she would be the one. Although I am still trying to let you go as much as I can, there will always be a space in me that contains you and our time together. Perhaps the reason I had the sudden urge to write out this entire timeline is that I would like to give myself the closure that you did not give me until the very end. And ultimately, for me to close this chapter of my life and move on to the next.
Even though you repeatedly triggered my insecurities and were not honest with me, and you said I will never understand you. I chose to look past those insecurities and tried to understand you better. I hold no regrets or resentment against you. The only regret I have is that I could not give you what you needed as a boyfriend for eight years. After all, you are the first love that has seen the best of me and gone through the worst with me. Given the chance, I would still choose to meet and fall in love with you all over again. But that is now a dream, and our memories will be remembered and treasured.
I hope you can find someone to fill my role better. Someone who can give you what you wanted for the past eight years that I couldn't.
No matter what happens between us in the near future, be it us reconciling or us being able to find closure and move on, it is no longer within my control. I am honestly happier now that I am slowly finding the old me that I had not seen for eight years and that I can be myself again. I hope you are happier too because I could never bear to see you unhappy without me by your side.
Life will never be the same without you, but life goes on, as do we. "Even when the whole world turns its back against you, I've got yours." And I will continue to uphold this promise to you, but now from afar. Just hit me up if you ever need me by your side, ok? Remember, I haven't deleted your contact yet.
With love,
Your cheesy-kun
