Thank you.

 Hello, I hope you are doing well.

I am sending you this email perhaps as a farewell message or a closure message depending on how things go. 

The beginning of our happiness.

Remember how I used to chase you during our ITE days, TWICE some more. 

Because this was the girl that made me go crazy for the first time in my life. I wanted to make you mine so bad that it hurts when I got rejected by you for the first time. 

After you hooked my arm during the send-off for my Shen Zhen trip, I thought so hard on my flight there and throughout the entire trip that once I return and that was when I knew I will do anything to get her again! And I did that straight once I came back. 

From buying you food and gifts to sending you stuff during classes although we were in different classes which made me so devastated back then, to have to wait for hours for you to end work after school. 

I even went to Tsubo to work with you just to get closer to you even though I have not worked in FnB before. 

And one day you finally saw through my efforts and accepted me as your boyfriend. 

Man, I was over the moon that day that I jumped around like a small boy that I finally have you as my girlfriend.

From our first time holding hands to the first peck on the cheek and to our first kiss, it was all too magical that it gave me butterflies in my tummy. Credits to you for making most of the first moves cause I was being a "gentleman".

When things start to go wrong.

However, as time passed, we found out each of our own flaws and could barely handle them. 

We started to have disagreements and fights about how we became a couple too quickly without going through the 'friend' stage.

But we made it through the next 7 years, thinking we could continue on but we barely addressed the issues.

You might hate me now.

You might hate me for sending you this message to haunt you.

You might hate me for the unintended hurt that has caused you to suffer in pain.

You might hate me for not giving you what you needed in a relationship.

And you might hate yourself for ending this relationship.

And I am sorry.

But I hope this email gets to you since I had lost all ways to contact you. 

Ever since 2 years ago we had a big fight like this one too and that already made us stand at the edge. 

I will be very honest, every time we had a big fight I will start to lose vision of our future. The future that I yearned for, since the very beginning of our relationship. It made me doubt our relationship and even our compatibility. 

Are we that different and not suitable? 

After all, we did share 7 years of wonderful memories together and that cannot be fake.

Although you still gave in time after time to sustain the relationship, you too were slowly losing confidence in the relationship and even told yourself that there will be no more next time to get yourself hurt again. I am sorry.

We began to distance ourselves from troubles and quarrels. 

We overlooked what we needed from each other as we had little to no more expectations that we can fulfill each other's needs in a relationship. 

I will be honest, I started to give more excuses for our meetups.

Excuses like different work schedules and free days, your workplace is too far from mine, I need to go home to play a game, I need to go workout, I am tired, are just a few of the "reasons" I give myself for not making the effort to meet you. I am sorry.

I also see myself brushing off any unhappiness when we meet up, saying "up to you" more often as I do not want to start another fight and cause more friction between us.

The final straw.

After the breakup, it made me realize so many things. 

Things that I took for granted for the past 7 years. 

Things that we fought over and over again and yet I chose to tell myself that it is not a compatibility issue between us.

Things as simple as your love language being of actions instead of words, but I only gave you words of affirmation which was not what you needed. 

If given the chance to have one last talk with you. 

I would be sure that I will put in all the effort to make things right for us once and for all.

To make sure I solve the issues from the very beginning that we did not address and come up with a solution. 

Although it is not promised to be an easy journey ahead from here, I want and am willing to give us one last try.

HAND IN HAND.

I really hope we can give ourselves one last chance after 7 years of being a couple.

I am sure we both do not want to end this with regrets.

I am ready to face this challenge and more together as a couple and I really do not wish to see us end. 

If all else is lost, I am getting ready to let you go to see you happier without me. 

Never have I regretted meeting you, the only regret I have was not trying enough and giving you what you needed the most. 

The actions of love and initiative from me that you needed when all seems lost. 

If given the chance, I will still wish to meet you in the next life and many more after and be a couple, a couple that fights against the world. 

Thank you for everything you have given me for the past 7 years. 

I love you and I always will. 

Good Bye

 The news hit me so hard and suddenly. I was on my way after work ended and you texted me and called it an end and to end your misery.

I was not allowed to reconcile, and not a single drop of mercy was shown. And subsequently, you blocked me on telegram.

I panicked on the way but to my surprise, I did not break down at that moment. 

I wanted to rush down to meet you to talk things out but in the end, I decided not to since it might only make things worse with our emotions getting the better of ourselves, or myself instead.

Till the end of that night, I was still lost in limbo. I did not know what to feel then.

I had a long chat with the bros till late into the night and it has led me to see many things clearer. 

Do you see a future with her? if you can patch things up this time, can you handle the emotional damage on the next occasion? are you ready to be the bigger man to let her go and see her happier without you? 

All these questions flooded my mind, again and again, the entire night like ghosts haunting me. 

Although I have had a rough idea of my answers, I choose not to believe them like how I did time over time when we had such huge fights in the past. 

I began to doubt myself and ultimately doubted our relationship back then. 

My bro told me, "how many 7 years more do you guys have to continue this?" And that really shook me to the core. 

There are so many things that I can type out here but as I am typing this post, too many emotions and thoughts are flowing through my head. 

I woke up the next day with the first thing in mind being you, and I finally broke down alone. I could not take it and I let the emotions get the better of me.

I felt so hopeless and helpless. Later on, I found out that you removed me and maybe blocked me on all possible social media platforms. 

After which your friend texted me saying that you are quite final on your decision and wanted to distance yourself away from me. Also, the news came in of asking your friend to do the belongings exchange on your behalf gave me the impression that all was over. 

I could not muster the courage to face you to handle the issue at hand as much as I want to. But I doubted when I asked myself how many more times can I do this? 

Is it really time to let go to see you happier without me? 

I know it would.

But in the long run, will we truly be happier without each other? After all, being together for 7 years is really not a short duration.

We have tided through waves of problems and stuck with each other for a quarter of our current life and in 1 day it all ended like that.

Could you bear to see it end like this? I know I could not. 

But if the final decision of yours is for me to let go of you, I will try my best to fulfill that request of yours and end our 7 years long relationship. 

You were my first and I longed for you to be my last. 

I love you and always will and I know that you did too.

Perhaps we were really not meant to be because of our differences like you always said which I choose not to believe time after time but now I finally see it.

What you needed I could not give. What I needed you could not give either. 

I am really sorry it has to end this way and although I thought I was ready to let go and end this, I could not bring myself to do it.

Although I still do not want to give up, the chances of salvaging this relationship are far beyond my vision at this point. 

If given the chance, I would still like to fight for you and fight for the US.

I do not regret this relationship and I hope neither will you.

Dare I say this, given the chance in the next life, I will still wish to meet you and have a relationship with you again no matter what.