Ranted

So I've ranted to you about the past few issues.
Though this blog is still unknown to you.
Didn't cried like this for a long time and it was about time for me to vent out everything I've kept inside of me.
Now that you've known, i hope things will get better even if it takes awhile.
So hopefully i can now sleep and wake up without worrying so much?
To be continued...?

Care

Yet another topic. Care.
Up till now no matter how many times I've mentioned this to you.
You never truly listened.
Whenever i go home.
Whenever i go to work alone.
Whenever i don't meet you on that day.
Always am i the one who text you first asking about your day.
And what about you?
All you care was your fucking manga, anime or tv shows.
Not a single message left for me whenever you are not around.
All i wanted was just a "how's your day?" or "are you doing good?"
But none of that ever happened.
You can even let the day pass without messaging me the whole day and seems like its nothing to you.
So what am i to you?
Even a pet has more care from its owner everyday.
What about me?
Not a "reach home safely" or "be careful out"
What if something will to happened when i'm on the way home or when i'm out?
What if i got into a accident or even died outside while you're still reading your fucking manga?
Will you regret the rest of your life for not checking on my well being?
Will you live past the day you doing whatever you were doing and i was lying on my death bed waiting for a fucking text from you?!
Will you care for me a little more then?

Something

It upsets me whenever i think of this.
Have you truly done something for me before?
I've made several things for you during monthsaries.
I've plan dates to make it a special outing for you.
I've bought you things that you like.
I've gave you lots of surprises such as fetching you after work unsuspectingly.
But what have you done for me?
You've never made a single thing for me.
You never did planed a date for me.
You never did a surprise for me.
But you recorded a song for your friend.
You stitch and made gifts for your friends during their birthdays.
But what about me?
Do i not want something like this?
Do i not like surprises?
I wonder is it because i don't know you longer then they do?
So why is it so?
I feel like shit.
Not given a single fuck at times about my well being.
You did so much for your friends.
But it seems like i never come first.
I just want something. Something from you.

Unimportant

At times i wonder, do you even care about me?
What I'm going through?
What I'm doing?
What i want.
Instead in this relationship I've given you almost everything i can.
Everything you wanted i gave you.
But when it comes to me.
Do you really know what i want?
To be honest from the start of this relationship, i don't think that you've given me much.
Simple things i requested often turned into big disappointment.
And those disappointments has lead me into who i am and what i feel today.
Numb. Numb to all this disappointments but still hoping for something to happen.

Little thoughts

I wonder how long do i still have with you.
I wonder if we could get back the same as we used to be.
I wonder if you've already found out how i'm am feeling.
I wonder if you know, i'm trying to stay strong.
But not for long.

Secrets

I guess this is the place where i can really express my feelings about myself and to myself.
If you find this, prepare to lost it. Even my twitter is full of shit. I have no one to talk to or nothing i can do about it. I've been living in the dark trying to find my way out. Trying to find the 'me' that i've lost finding 'you'.

I'm tired.

I've been trying very hard.
I've been holding on for very long now.
I'm feel lonely even i have you.
We lack communication.
We lack closure.
Whatever that has been happening to us, we just look pass it and sweep everything under the rug.
I'm not sure how long more can i hold on before i break.
Because once i break, there will be none left of me.
I miss the old times together.
I can't sleep at night without thinking what tomorrow holds of us.
How long can this last?
I'm tired. I'm exhausted.